Haven't felt like posting for a few days. Today I went to Cresthaven to take care of some business. Had to sign something to order the Veteran's grave marker for Dad. Ordered Mom's grave marker. We had to pick a "term of endearment" for her marker. 2-3 words. So I chose "Our Mom". We never called her "Mother". Joe and John said that was fine. Selected "Moonlight Gray" granite to go under their brass markers. I thought it would look nice.

Betty Wathen's funeral was today. I went. It was sort of like re-living Mom and Dad's funeral--but not in all aspects because, obviously, we had two at once. I would have liked to have mourned for one and then the other. One at a time. Grieving for both is too much. Everything reminds me of Mom and/or Dad. This beautiful day we had today. Again, Dad on the golf course; Mom outside puttering around. Replanting something. Filling bird feeders. Getting patio furniture out. I want to call Mom and tell her how I'm feeling. How hard this grief thing is. Talk it over with her. That's what I would have done before. Or just go over there and feel the warmth of the house and the love in it. Maybe not talk about certain things at all--but just "be" in the house with them. My home. Our home. The safe zone.

I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy tonight. George's father died and at the end he said, "I don't know how to exist in a world without my Dad." I am grateful I had them for so many years. But I wish they would have stayed a little longer.

Susie