On September 11th, Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary came to visit from Phoenix. I always enjoy their visits so much--it means so much to me that they came down from Indy. This year, Uncle Joe brought this pod-like thing from a Catalpa tree. Why? Because when he, my dad, and their brothers were little, they all tried to smoke one of these things. And...they got caught by their mom! It looks like a long green cigar. I cannot imagine my dad doing this! And he was the oldest! Who put them up to it? Joe couldn't remember--but he was the youngest so it wasn't him. Probably Dad or Bill. I love that story. Joe always has a story or two to tell.

Another one was when Dad called him and was very upset about something at work. It seems that Dad had designed some type of machine that would replace some workers--and Dad was feeling badly about this. It really bothered him that those guys might lose their jobs. I never knew this! I never knew Dad designed a machine or any of it. Dad just did not talk much. I treasure spending time with Uncle Joe and hearing things like this.

Joe and Mary are such lovely people. They took Susan and I out to lunch. When we got back, Uncle Joe smoked his pipe on the patio. I loved that. Here he was sitting there on the patio--where he had lived as a boy. He talked about the tree that he and his mom planted. He talked about pouring the patio and not knowing what he was doing! (We no longer have that patio).
And he always mentions how he tried to get them to move the stairway so that it was there as you came in the front door.

I will admit--when I heard Uncle Joe's voice on the phone, I got teary. It made me miss Dad. Their voices were different, but there's something about the way he said certain words or phrases that reminded me of Dad.

Love you and miss you, Dad.

Susie

p.s. It is now Feb. of 2010 and I still have Uncle Joe's voicemail. I can't delete it. It reminds me so much of Dad and I love Uncle Joe, too.

It's that time of year again...Fall. I wonder if I will ever get over being sad this time of year? It used to be my favorite time of the year--but now it makes me think of Mom too much.
October was our month--trip to Nashville, maybe Greenwood, maybe somewhere else. One time I took her to Metamora, IN. I usually took off a week and we would do fun things. So now, I just get sad because I miss her more and think of her more. Like last week we went to Saint Paul's in Bloomington for Mass. I've been there plenty of times since they've been gone, but I got weepy thinking of them there. They really enjoyed it.

In the kitchen at home, there is this little drawer that sort of slides out by the sink. It is for storing wet sponges or whatever. There are two of these drawers; I only thought one of them worked for some reason. So Susan pulled out the other one one night and there were two sponges and a Dobie (scratcher type thing) unopened in there. I got weepy again--because I knew the last person who touched those was Mom. We've been there all this time and I've never opened that drawer. She loved her Dobies :-). She always had extras.

We finally had to change the light bulbs above the sink. Again, I got teary as I knew the last person to do that was Dad. I even looked for his fingerprints on the light bulb we removed. Some type of connection. I know that may sound stupid. But I still miss them so much and my life feels empty. I am moving on--but there is still grief and still a sadness that I don't think will ever go away.

We are now using the last of Mom's stash of shampoo. This one was an unopened bottle of some Equate (Walmart brand) equivalent of Pantene shampoo. (Kind of strange because Mom didn't usually buy the Walmart brand of anything!) Anyway, here we are in 2009 and we're still using her shampoo! She was always trying new stuff to get her hair just right. :-)

We found some meat in the freezer. I know we went through it before and got ride of stuff, but I guess we left this and then forgot about. This was cube steaks. Mom's handwriting still on the freezer bag.

That's all for now.

Still miss you and love you, Mom and Dad.

The picture on the right is Mom--the one on the left is my little great niece, Elenna. I think they look alike! Through the eyes, nose, mouth, high forehead, shape of head. Even the ears which you can't see too well here. Mom also had blue eyes and blond hair. I wish Mom could see her. None of Mom's kids looked like her.

Been thinking more about Mom and missing her more lately. I love you, Mom.

Susie

Today I got rid of Mom's mop. She was always mopping the floor. Just wet mop sometimes, but always mopping. I never used it. I just use those Swiffer type things. I hate buckets and mops. So really, it was time to get rid of it! Why did I hang onto it this long? Because it was such a part of her? I don't know.

Today is Father's Day. Everytime I think I'm doing better, something hits me. Today at church I did fine until Father prayed for the deceased fathers...then the tears just came. I couldn't stop them. I've been kind of weepy all day now. I guess it just happens once in a while.

I needed a light bulb, so I headed to the basement. Dad had a box labeled "LAMPS". To Dad, an electrical engineer...a light bulb is a "lamp". It just seems normal to me! I got in the box and found the bulb I needed. There are still some flood lights in there that Dad bought and we haven't used yet. I still find it comforting to find things that they bought around the house. When we trimmed the ground cover out by the patio, I found a golf ball! We have trimmed that stuff before, but the landscaper guy did it this time and he really trimmed it and there was one of Dad's golf balls.

And Mom...good Lord. There are still lots of lotions and shower gels, etc. in the bathroom closet from Bath and Bodyworks! I found an unopened bottle of lotion dated 2004. She really liked their stuff! I'll be using it for a long time!

Happy Father's Day, Dad...I miss you and love you.

Love you, too, Mom.

Susie

Today would have been Mom and Dad's 57th wedding anniversary. I'll never forget the time Mom and Dad were in Italy on their anniversary--they told me they took a gondola ride in Venice on that day.

Miss you both.

Love,
Susie

It has been awhile since I wrote last. Not because I don't think of Mom and Dad every day.

This past week I went to see Elton John and Billy Joel in concert. I was thinking about all the years I "made" Mom and Dad listen to Elton and Billy--esp. Elton. They were so patient with me! I listened to music A LOT--and not at a very low volume! Once in a while Mom would have enough, and ask me to turn it down. She did this by flipping the hall light on and off--so I could see it from my room. I knew if that light went on and off, she'd had enough! :-) Dad actually kind of liked Elton. If he saw him on TV, he'd come and get me to watch. He even cut stuff out of the paper about Elton if he saw something and put it up on the refrigerator so I'd see it! One of the last things I remember like this was when Elton was in AARP magazine. Dad made sure I saw it and gave me his copy. Over the years, I have seen Elton over 20 times. This was the first time I saw him since Mom and Dad died and the first time I could not come home and tell them all about it. There's still these "first time" things happening. The first time I bought a new car since they died; the first time I saw Elton, etc.

In 1989, I went to see Elton with my brother, John, and I got his autograph. We got home pretty late, but I remember Mom and Dad getting up and talking about it and me showing them the autograph. They thought it was neat--esp. Dad.

Another thing I was thinking about was how Dad would always ask me how we were getting to the concert. Then he'd get out the map and find the venue and plot out the best route--even if I'd been there before or had my Google maps all printed out. We still had to spread the map out on the table and figure it out. I can still see Dad sitting there at the kitchen table with the Indianapolis map, his glasses off (because he couldn't' see close up with them on--something I experience myself)--talking about the trip.

Today is Memorial Day. Susan put Dad's flag out on the front porch. I like seeing it there. It reminds me of him.

Love you Mom and Dad.

Susie

I found these pictures on an old computer. They were taken on 12/25/04. This is Jonna (my niece), her husband, Dave, and their dog at the time--Gimli. As you can see, Gimli was a miniature Dachshund. I love these pictures because you can see how much Dad and Mom loved these little dogs! They were always dog sitting for all of us. Sometimes they'd have 2 or 3 at one time. I like the last picture of Dad--I can just hear him saying "Coon's a good doggie". He called all the dogs Coon. I don't know why! I love how he's talking to Gimli and Gimli is looking up at him.

I miss these times when we were all together.

Susie

I had tuna salad for lunch today. I actually made it myself! It was better than Subway's. I was trying/hoping to duplicate Mom's tuna salad. Hers was so good and the only I've ever had that didn't taste too fishy. Mine was pretty good but needs some tweaking. I'm pretty sure she used Miracle Whip and I used Hellman's. I know she put sweet pickles in but mine didn't taste the same. Maybe she used a different brand. Of course, it is times like these when I beat myself up for not paying more attention to the things she made. Having tuna salad was a tradition in Lent for us. She made it on Fridays. Today is Good Friday--the last Friday in Lent, but I wanted to try it anyway. It felt comforting to sit there and eat a homemade tuna salad sandwich and think of Mom.

The Easter Sunday Mass intention is for Mom and Dad. I donated money in their name for Easter flowers. I always tried to go to Mass with them on special days like Easter and Christmas (usually we went different Masses). One year we went to St. Mary's for Mass and they didn't have any servers show up, so Dad and this other guy served Mass! That was something I'll never forget--this man around 80 years old being an altar "boy". I know it meant a lot to him and I know he enjoyed doing it. There are pictures somewhere.

I miss you Mom and Dad. I love you.

Susie

Happy 80th Birthday, Mom

Today would've been Mom's 80th birthday. I was thinking that we would've probably had some sort of party for her--a small get together because she didn't really like to have a big deal made of of things. (Not Dad, though! He went to Phoenix on his 80th to party with his brothers.) Anyway, I would've wanted to make the day special for her.

I took some flowers to Cresthaven today. This is the first time I've used the vase thing. I think they look nice. I hope she likes them.

I miss you, Mom. I love you.

Susie

I was invited by my cousin, Mike Drehobl, to participate in the family NCAA Tourney pool. I haven't paid much attention to the tourney since Dad died. He used to keep a bracket on the fridge and we would watch the games together. He didn't do a pool, but he would just keep track of who won and who lost. So, I did the pool with Mike and co. and it's fun.

I think I'll always think of Dad during tourney time and the bracket he cut out from the newspaper on the fridge with winners written in red ink. A few times I printed him out one from the Internet.

I miss you, Dad.

Love,
Susie

Last week I bought a new car--a Chevy Equinox. I had debated about whether to buy GM again since I would no longer get Dad's discount and since, well, the future of GM is in question. I was free at last! No longer was it mandated to buy GM! I looked at Hondas and Toyotas online. But, in the end...I couldn't do it. I couldn't go against tradition. A non-GM car had never been parked in our driveway! And, I wanted to honor Dad and the 37 years he put in at Central Foundry. So, a GM vehicle is parked in the driveway--as it should be and will be as long as GM stays afloat.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for all your hard work and for providing your family with everything we needed and then some. We never went without and we always had a stable environment to grow up in.

Love,
Susie


p.s. It was hard for me to get rid of the Vibe. Mom and Dad rode in that car many times. I took them to church. I took Mom shopping in Indy in that car. It was the last car of mine they will ever have ridden in. They liked it--esp. Mom. I think she would have liked my new one, too. It feels strange to not be able to show them my new car as I've always done.

I miss you Mom and Dad.

I forgot to mention that I lit a candle for Mom and Dad after Mass last weekend. One of the big 7 day ones--to help us all get through the anniversary and in remembrance of them. Mom used to always light candles for us when we were going through a tough time or needed a little extra "boost" for something special.

Miss you Mom and Dad.

Love,
Susie

Two Year Anniversary

Today is the two year anniversary of parents' deaths. The pictures above are of a quilt I had made using Mom's blouses. I just got it last Friday. The quilter was Lisa Mowery and she did a wonderful job. I love it.

I went to Cresthaven today to visit their graves. It is hard to believe it has been two years. Sometimes it feels like it just happened--other times I can tell I am moving on. Kim Wheeler and Cheryl Fields again sent cards. I appreciate their friendship and support.

Last week I took my car to Cotton's to fix a heating problem. Nick remembered Dad and said he was a good guy and he was sorry to hear about their accident. It was nice that he remembered and mentioned it. Dad always took the cars down to Cotton's and it felt good and right to take mine there. I felt some kind of connection with Dad.

That's all for now. I love you and miss you Mom and Dad.

Love,
Susie

Finally found a home for Dad's 1950 Purdue yearbook. It is going to a public library in Valparaiso, Indiana in their Genealogy Department. I'm happy it will have a good home. I didn't just want to throw it out.

Miss you, Dad.

Love, Susie

Well, the holidays are over. I haven't posted for awhile. It isn't because I don't miss Mom and Dad every day--I do. For Thanksgiving this year, we made a little turkey in the crock pot and had John up for dinner. Joe, Judy, Jeff and John were here for Christmas--on Dec. 23. We didn't do gifts or anything. We had pizza and watched a movie. Joe made oyster soup. Dad used to make that sometimes on Christmas Eve. It was a much better time than last year. We're getting there. I missed watching football with Dad on New Year's Day.

Jonna had her baby on Nov. 30th. Elenna Ruth. Another great-granddaughter for Mom and Dad. They would've loved that.

We sold our house in Oolitic--the closing was on Dec. 29th. It is weird how you think about things. I wanted to share the news with Mom and Dad--but then, I wouldn't even be selling the house if they hadn't died. We are SO lucky to have sold this house in this market, this time of year, etc. It was really only on the market for about 3 months. I thank God for this--I believe it was divine intervention of some sort. Maybe Mom and Dad helped or something. We buried Saint Joseph in the front yard. He helped, too.

Mary Jo Drehobl passed away on Dec. 21st. She was Bud's (Mom's brother's) wife. Bob and I went to the viewing in Indianapolis on Dec. 26th.

At this time I am experiencing some depression. Maybe it is the time of year. I don't know. I'm just down about stuff--life in general. I still have this huge hole in my heart and a feeling of emptiness. I don't think the holidays will ever mean the same to me again. I'm just glad it is all over. I hope 2009 is a better year.

I miss you Mom and Dad.

Love, Susie