Cresthaven

Tonight I went out to Cresthaven to see Mom and Dad's markers. They just put them in. It was very emotional for me. Somehow, seeing their names on the markers made it all so final. There was a little robin's egg near Mom's marker. Mom took care of a baby robin once until it could fly. Robins were always special to her.

Love,

Susie

Some days I miss one parent more than the other. It varies. Lately, Dad has been on my mind. Yesterday, we went through some of his clothes and boxed some coats and golf shirts up for Goodwill. So many coats! Both Mom and Dad loved buying coats and jackets. Dad's favorite color must've been blue. Had several blue coats--a couple looked very much alike. He had a blue down coat from Eddie Bauer. I remember when he bought it. Probably about 10 years ago. Around the same time, Mom and Dad bought me a down coat from EB as well. They really wanted me to have a warm coat. Even as recently as December, Mom was concerned that my jacket wasn't warm enough. I assured her it was. I didn't walk outside as much. They walked a lot--to church, Mom at the track, Dad at night saying his rosary. Anyway, they had lots of coats. Mom did, too. Eddie Bauer, London Fog--even a new one with the tags still on it. I'm pretty sure she just bought that one when we went to Evansville in November. I know we looked at coats at Macy's that day. It was hard for her to find a coat that fit. They were always too big. She didn't like to wear things that were too big. She wore size 0 or size 2 or petite small--not just petite, but petite small. Maybe that is why when she found a coat that fit, she would buy it. We got rid of the coat Mom was wearing that day. They returned it to us. It was a brown lite down coat from Eddie Bauer. I don't think she'd had it very long, either. Maybe a year. She wore it a lot. It had some trauma to it. It must've been in the front seat with her that day. Anyway, back to Dad. He had lots and lots of golf shirts. Izod, Penguin, Grand Slam. Again, the predominate color was blue. Mom and I used to give him a hard time about always buying blue. Sometimes he'd branch out and buy a wild color, but mostly it was blue. Lots of times when they went to Bloomington to shop, Dad would come back with a new shirt, jacket or shorts--even though it was Mom who wanted to shop in the first place. We got rid of some of his baseball style hats. I kept one that said "Otis Park" on it. I also kept a couple of the polo/golf shirts. In the last couple of years, Dad had started wearing button up short sleeve shirts more. Haven't gotten to those yet. Another favorite hat of Dad's was the herringbone tweed/wool caps--I think the style is called "ivy" or something. Dad almost always wore a hat. Either one of these wool ones or a baseball style. He was wearing a straw hat on the golf course after they told him he had a form of cancer on his ears and needed to protect them from the sun. We got rid of gloves and scarves, too. Mom still had lots of those "head scarves" from the 60's and lots of rain hats.

Geek that I am, I took pictures of everything we boxed up. I want to remember. I just have to.

Love,

Susie

This is a recent picture of Dad and Bill--taken in late January, 2007, when Dad went out to Phoenix to visit his brothers. These guys loved to play golf! The last time I wrote was May 6th. Since then, we all went to Phoenix for Uncle Bill's funeral. What a great weekend. That isn't meant to sound bad and no disrespect is meant for Bill. What I mean is, it was great being with family I haven't seen for 30 years. We celebrated Bill's life. I stayed with Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary.They have a beautiful home  and it was great staying with them. Uncle Joe was full of stories about my grandparents and what it was like growing up. Things I've never heard before! He and Uncle Tom remind me of Dad in some ways. Both of them have mannerisms and vocal similarities.  Uncle Bill passed away peacefully in his sleep. They said he had no pain. I thank God for these things. I did not know Bill all that well, but I loved being around him. He was bigger than life; a real character. I always smiled when I was around him. He made me laugh. I remember when he came to Bedford to visit a few times. He stayed at the house. I really enjoyed his visits. But there's been too much change. Too much sadness. Our family  needs to heal.

 

At the house on I Street, we continue to clean out things. We did buy some ferns to hang on the front porch--just like Mom always had. We're focusing on the attic right now. We found a bunch of old engineering books! Like OLD. From the 1950's. GM training manuals about "radioactive isotopes". etc. Wonder why Dad saved these. The guys are coming in June to work on our new half bath upstairs. Our main goal is to clean out the attic so they can work. We've done a little rearranging at the house. Just little things. But I think it will be good to not keep things exactly as they had it. We'll probably keep the living room pretty  much the same, but that's all. I still get sad when I go over there...just for a few minutes when I walk in. But I also feel like it is my home and I belong there. Uncle Joe was telling us how he put up the ceiling tiles in the Dining Room and Living Room. He said he was like 12 or something. Amazing! I can't believe they never replaced those tiles. The house has so many memories for the Breidenbachs. Ginny, Joe's daughter, thanked me for keeping the house in the family. That really meant a lot. I miss Mom and Dad. Every day I think of them--many many times. I suppose I am still preoccupied with them. I can't help it. Really, I still can't  believe they are gone. Today, I cashed some insurance checks from the Knights of Columbus. I got weepy at the bank. I don't want to cash these checks. I don't want this money. It feels like bad money. I miss them so much.

 

Susie

 

Made travel arrangements for the trip to Phoenix for Uncle Bill’s funeral. Joe, John and I are going. Mark, Bill's son, came for Mom and Dad's funeral. The funeral is not until May 12th. We’ll be leaving Friday, the 11th.



Been working on the house. Cleaning out stuff. I’m making a list of things we throw away—just to keep track. So many memories. I know you can’t keep everything, but it still hurts to get rid of it. I’ve been doing pretty well, but last night wasn’t such a good night. Maybe I was tired or maybe I’d been keeping things in. I don’t know. But I must keep going, so I’ll go over again tonight.



More later.



Susie

Uncle Bill

Uncle Bill (Dad’s brother) passed way on Friday, May 4th at 6:15 a.m. Dad and Bill were close; talking frequently on the phone. Dad was the oldest brother; Bill was 2nd oldest. Dad went out to visit him in late January, two weeks before he died. Mom and Dad would go visit Bill and my aunt, Pat, often when they lived in Hot Springs, AK and in Phoenix, as well. I had been calling Uncle Bill. I knew Dad would be calling him. Even though he was very ill, he usually would talk to me for a few minutes.



Rest in peace, Uncle Bill. We will miss you.

Love, Susie

Dad's tree

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of accompanying Dad's golfing buddies on 9 holes. This is a picture of "Paul's tree". According to one of the foursome, Gene Anderson, "THERE IS A TREE ON HOLE NUMBER FOUR AND IT IS IN A LOW COLLECTION AREA. PAUL'S SECOND SHOT WOULD ALMOST ALWAYS BE NEAR THAT TREE, WE REMEMBER IT AS PAUL'S TREE." I wanted to see the tree, so when they found out Joe was going to be in town and wanted to play a round with them, they invited me along to see the tree. The foursome was Gene Anderson, Gene Humes, Bob Reckelhoff and Dad. Gene A. made the arrangements, Gene H. took the pictures and Bob was kind enough to chauffeur me around in a golf cart for the front 9. They told a few stories about Dad, but mostly it was that he was a great guy and they think about him every time they play. They took a picture of the 3 of them with a space in the middle where Dad would've been. They told us at the funeral home that they would only play as a threesome this year because it just wouldn't be the same without Dad. I truly enjoyed hanging out with this guys and feel honored that they allowed me to tag along. It was a beautiful day and I tried to picture Dad there with them. Talking, laughing, pulling his golf bag up the hills. Regretfully, I only remember going to the golf course a few times with Dad. It just wasn't something he and I did. He would play golf with Joe when Joe was in town. But I knew he loved the game dearly and these guys attested to that. After spending a couple of hours on the golf course, I can see the attraction. So beautiful and peaceful and quiet. I think I mentioned that Dad and Mom would often take walks at Otis and sometimes take various dogs out there to let them run lose. Most recently, they'd taken Hoss and he had loved it. I'm so glad I got to spend time with these guys and get a glimpse into something Dad loved to do every day that he could.

Love,

Susie

Well, I haven't written in awhile. These past few days has been very eventful. First, Joe and Judy arrived on Friday. On Sunday evening, Joe, Judy, John, Susan and I gathered at Mom and Dad's house to finalize some things with the estate. Today, May 1, 2007, I and Susan Smith became the new owners of 1908 I Street. All along I have wondered if it was the right decision...they say you shouldn't do anything major for the first year after a death. But I feel very good about this. I am excited about it and look forward to moving in! Yes, emotions are high. Yes, I would much rather them still be living there than me. But I feel like I did the right thing and they would be happy. So we begin the process of each of us taking things from the house--things we want to remember them by--or just things we "need". John took Dad's stereo from the basement. Joe took Dad's Lazy-Boy as well for his office at home. Jonna and Dave took the twin beds from one of the bedrooms upstairs for Maggie and "future" members of the Dunst Family. They took the cardinal prints for Jeff--he told Mom he wanted them, and she wrote it down in her little notebook that he should have them. John took the bookcase that Bob Reckelhoff made for Mom and Dad. Again, in Mom's little book. Joe and Judy took some other bird prints that meant something to them or that they were with Mom when she bought them. Jonna took Mom's china. This wasn't in the notebook, but I think Mom would've wanted Jonna to have it. Mom said I could have her Pfaltzgraff dishes. Mom wanted me to have her Bruce Hume paintings. We often looked at them together when we went to Nashville. She even bought me one once. Jonna took Mom's little blue chair from Mom's bedroom. It is a small chair and fit Jonna just right for when she was nursing. I'm glad these things were kept in the family. Having two households to combine now, Susan and I do not need all these things. I'm glad they will be with family and I can see them now and then. I know I'm missing some things. Oh, yeah...:-) Joe and Judy took Dad's port-a-potty. Yes, Dad had one. I'm not even sure he used it. But he wanted a backup for when the bathroom was occupied and he "had to go". It was the strangest purchase that nobody could understand. I remember when he bought it, Mom and I were like, "Huh?" But that was Dad. So Joe and Judy have it for when their pipes freeze in MN. Jeff got one of Mom's bird feeders.
John got the crucifix. Joe took Mom's beloved bird book and some of Dad's shirts and jackets. Judy took some bowls. Jonna took Mom's blender and whatever that thing is that mashes fruit (Mom used it for making persimmon pulp and cranberry sauce). Judy took a tissue basket and trash basket from the bathroom. Now, everything left in the house is mine and Susan's to keep or discard. Some things I will keep, some things I will want to keep but I know I can't keep everything. Other things will be easy to throw away. Now we have this huge task ahead of us, but I must try to "live in the now" and look forward to my future--as Mom and Dad would've wanted me to.

Love,

Susie