Christmas has come and gone. I have not written much because...well, I'm not sure. Maybe it would have just been too hard. Christmas was, for me, about Mom and Dad. Yes, it was the rest of my family, too, but to me, it was Mom and Dad. I loved to buy gifts for them, although, they were hard to buy for. I ended up sort of recycling ideas. For Dad it was candy, gift certificates to golf stores, books, golf related stuff, Hickory Farms. But what I enjoyed most was the look on his face as he opened stuff. He was still a kid--even in his 80's. He would get excited about some small little gift--like last year the the calendar towel. He love those things!

Mom was easier. Most of the time I had gone shopping with her and I'd get some ideas. I remember last year trekking all over Bloomington trying to find this little Santa ornament from Hallmark. Only one store had any left. She had picked it up and almost bought it, but changed her mind. Little things like that. Last year on Christmas Eve, Susan, Mom and I went shopping at Backyards and Gardens and Mom bought some little ornaments for her miniature Christmas tree. I will never forget that. And, last year when we went Christmas shopping in Indianapolis, I bought her a blue sweater that she picked out. I will never forget her trying it on and how we talked about what she would wear with it. It looked nice on her--matched her blue eyes. She never got to wear it. It is what we buried her in. I almost always got her a Poinsettia and a box of chocolate covered cherries. She loved those.

Today, I was working at the reference desk and a lady called with a question. After I had helped her with it, she said, "Do you know someone who works there, the man's name was Paul and he and his wife died in a car crash about a year ago..." So I told her that was me and she went on to say that she was a nurse at Crowder's and Dad would come in and get his blood pressure checked after he played golf. She said he was such a nice man and he would sit and chat with her if she wasn't busy. He told her his daughter worked at the library and he bragged about Mom's organ playing. She said she had met Mom, too. She got kind of choked up and said when she read that in the paper she was just heartbroken.

I like hearing stories like that from people.

I miss you Mom and Dad.

Love,

Susie

Last night, Steve Kopp had his annual Christmas Party. He lives up the street. Mom and Dad usually went, and Steve was telling us last night that Dad would show up in the afternoon sometime and offer to help fix stuff for the party! I had no idea. Steve said he'd help him chop up stuff or do whatever. Who knew! Steve said Dad really liked coming to the party. I love when people tell me stuff like this.

Yesterday, John had Mass at St. Vincents. I couldn't help but get weepy. I knew Mom and Dad would be so proud of him. They'd love it that he had Mass there. They were so proud of John. It meant everything to them that their son was a priest. At the end of Mass, John thanked Susan and I for our support and for moving into Mom and Dad's house. That made me weepy, too. That was totally unexpected.

The more I live in the house, the more I like being there. I liked being where they were. You need a pencil? Open the drawer and there are all of Dad's little mechanical pencils still there. I'm using Mom's "foaming face wash" in the shower and some of her Bath and Body lotion. We've been eating things from the freezer they had. I still think of Dad at night when I take Greta for a walk. I think of him walking and praying his rosary. Sometimes they don't seem so far away.

I finally threw out Mom's rollers this weekend. I kept a couple. I got rid of Dad's old crossword dictionary, too. It was dirty from newsprint and he had used it so much it had come apart. I got him a new one in 2005, I think, and he had never used it! Same exact one that he had. Oh, well. I kept that one. Maybe I'll get into crosswords some day.

I'm a little worried about the birds. I had not fed them for a while and I put out food Friday night and they have not returned. Mom's birds were sort of like that, though. They would disappear for days and then come back. I put out this huge thistle sak that I think Joe and Judy got her one year. She had not used it. She liked the regular finch feeders, but I like the the saks.
I hope they come.

Love you Mom and Dad.

Suse

My earliest memories of music being played in our house was Mom playing Christmas music. Back then it was the Goodyear Christmas albums with various artists and performers, Perry Como, and an all time favorite, Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians, "Twas the Night Before Christmas". I LOVED listening to these albums. I remember Mom singing along with the New Christy Minstrels and "We need a Little Christmas" and Ray Connif's "Frosty the Snowman". Another favorite of hers was "O Holy Night" by Andy Williams. I used to play it on the organ for her. She also liked "Little Altar Boy" by Glenn Campbell. A few years ago I finally found a digital copy of some of the Fred Waring songs and made a copy for Mom and Dad. I remember last year they said they listened to it while going to Bloomington one day and they really, really enjoyed it. That one song always made me cry, but now it will even more. Back in the '80's, I introduced them to the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas CDs. I'm not sure they liked all of it, but I know they liked some of it and I made copies of them to take in the car with them. One of Mom's all time favorite songs was "Greensleeves." There is a beautiful version of this song on the "A Fresh Aire Christmas" CD. Mom really liked it. It always made me cry and now it surely will. Dad liked Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. I bought him some of their Christmas CDs and one night I went over there and he was in the basement listening to Nat King Cole. He really liked music, but didn't play it often. He liked Classical music, too. (Mom would always tell him to turn that "longhair" music down.) :-) That was one thing that Dad and I could share a little--our love of music.

I'm rambling. I'm just missing them a lot today.

Love,

Susie

I got the sad news this week that Duchess, Joe and Judy's little Dachshund, had to be put down. She was over 15 years old and in failing health. I felt that, to honor her and all the other previous Dachsies in our lives, I would post these pictures. We love/loved our Dachsies very much. They were always a part of any family celebration we had. These pictures were taken December 26, 2005. Sophie and Duchess had been around for years--but now we had two new Dachsies in the family--Hoss and Gimli. Hoss was John's dog and Gimli belonged to Jonna and Dave. I was so excited about the prospect of having four Dachshunds together at once! Snaps to Judy for getting all of the wieners their own Santa hats and scarves! A Kodak moment if ever I saw one. These pictures represent one of the happiest Christmas memories I have--all of us laughing and acting silly--even Mom and Dad. I will treasure this always. Last year, Mom was not feeling well and not up to her usual self. But in 2005, we had such a great time.

Sadly, with the passing of Duchess, none of the Dachsies in the picture are still with us. Gimli died in 2006; Sophie in June of this year. Hoss died with Mom and Dad in the accident.

Mom and Dad loved the dogs as much as any of us. They got such a kick out of them. Mom liked sitting for her "grand dogs" and Dad loved throwing them treats. For some reason he called them all "Coon"...

I knew the moment was special when we took the pictures. Now I know just how special it really was. We miss all of you!

Love, Susie

My birthday was Nov. 24th. I went out to eat with Susan, John, Bob and Bev. Then we had cake at Bob and Bev's house. John bought me a decorated cake. That was nice. It was nice of everybody to try and make it a special day for me. Still, it was strange not seeing Mom and Dad on this day. Just another one of those days that just won't ever be quite the same again.

I haven't written for a while. A lot of things have happened since I wrote last--mainly, Susan and I finally moved into Mom and Dad's house on I Street. Moving Day was November 27th. We moved Susan's couch, a reclinder, her bookcases, my bookcase, my dresser and chest of drawers, a TV, a table, some storage cabinets, end tables and some boxes of stuff. We still have some odds and ends there to pick up. Some stuff we are leaving to sell later. We moved on Tuesday and Friday I got sick and was sick all that weekend. Some flu/stomach thing. We have both been under the weather. So, needless to say, there are still boxes everywhere. But we're in. Fritzi and Greta don't seem to mind at all. They just want to be where we are.

I have mixed feelings about the house. Oh, I definitely love the house--always have. It is "my" house. I grew up there. But it is strange being there and living there without them there. It almost feels like I'm house sitting while they are on vacation and they'll be back any minute. I still have not dealt with Mom's stuff in the bathroom. This is her rollers, hairpins, etc. The rollers are in this little oval shaped plastic white container she has had this thing for years. Sometimes I just pick it up and rattle it and it reminds me of her. This was her nightly ritual. When I hear that cabinet door under the sink, I automatically think of her going in there every night to roll her hair. She'd stand there with the water running and roll her hair up. I guess she had to get it wet or something. She'd be in her robe and "scuffs". She may not roll it all at once--if there was a TV show on she was watching, she would do it during commercial breaks. Mom's hair was a big deal to her. She was always combing it and messing with it. So I need to do something with her hair stuff. Either get rid of it or save it, but it needs to be moved so we can put our stuff in there.

We turned their old bedroom into a Family Room. It is working out OK. Kind of small, but there's enough room in there for a couch and chair and TV, two people and two Dachshunds. It's kind of our "hang out" room. We'll see how it works out. Mom had just had it painted blue. Probably not the color we'd pick for a Family Room, but it's OK. No need to paint it again so soon. There's a little heater thing plugged into the outlet right by the basement door that Mom had forever. When it comes on, I think of her in her chair and me sitting on the floor or on her bed watching TV or talking. Another one of those "sounds" that reminds of me Mom or just being in that room.

We had our lawn guy do the leaves and gutters. Last year was the first year Dad had not climbed on the ladder and done the gutters himself. It is not easy to do on this house. I'm glad he didn't do it last year. We'll probably never do the gutters ourselves, but hopefully next year we can do the leaves. Mom and Dad always raked their leaves and Dad would burn them even though it is against city regulations to do so anymore. He'd just burn small piles at a time instead of the huge massive pile we used to burn when I was a kid. This was so Dad. Nobody was going to tell him he couldn't burn leaves on his property if he wanted to! Besides, I think he liked doing it. Maybe that's where I get my pyromania tendencies from.

Now when I take Greta out for a walk at night over there I think of Dad walking those streets every night saying his rosary. He would always disappear at some point at night for a little while and I did not until later he was saying the rosary. Last year about this time, he fell up by the church one night and busted his lip. He said he blacked out and/or tripped on the curb. We talked about him not walking after dark anymore and agreed he shouldn't. Ironically, on that same day, Mom had tripped over a curb at the library and fallen. That's when she broke her finger. She had just been in to see me about something and Dad was waiting for her in the car. They both fell on the same day. I remember joking with them and telling them I wasn't going to let them leave the house anymore.

Again, back to the mixed feelings. I want so much to love this house and be happy here. But I'm also having feelings like maybe I'll never be able to move on if I have constant, daily reminders of them. It will get better I hope. After all, it has only been a little over a week.

But, I am proud to once again be living at 1908 I Street.

Love you, Mom and Dad.

Susie