Cleaned out more of Mom's papers tonight. Lots of bird stuff, travel and landscaping info. They went to Seattle in 1993 and I remember they saw the house used in "Sleepless in Seattle". In May of 2003, they had a screech owl over there. It was on the fence and John was visiting. I didn't see it, but I remember she was fascinated by it. Several things on Sandhill Cranes. One time Mom and I went to Eagle Creek Park in Indianapolis. That was fun. It was a long time ago--maybe back in the 80's. We wanted to birdwatch. She always had her binoculars with her. I also found a list of birds we saw one time when we went to Spring Mill. It was in my handwriting. It was neat that she kept that. She had several folders with birding info in them all the way back to 1987. I wonder if she ever looked them much. I can't remember exactly when she started getting into birds--I know it was after she took care of that baby robin. Joe was always into birds and he encouraged her. He had lots of neat birds when he lived down on the Ohio River. Also found several health books. She was very concerned about taking prednisone. She had printed out lots of stuff from the Internet about it.

I didn't have a very good night tonight. I've been tired today and I never deal well with going over there when I'm tired. I've just been down today. We started to go through Mom's nightstand drawer and I couldn't do it. I just couldn't stop crying. I did read some of her journals again. I miss her so very much.

Went through more of Mom's things today. Mostly travel stuff and lots of bird stuff from the storage area by the basement stairs. She had saved all her Bird Watchers's Digest magazines for several years. She seemed to have started it around 1988 and stopped taking it in the 90's. She saved lots of articles and her remaining bird books were stuffed with articles and papers. (Joe took her most used bird book.) There were a couple of books on birds of the West. She probably had those when she went to Phoenix. We found a letter from Uncle Tom sent just this January about Sandhill Cranes that had been an AZ newspaper. I think it was about cranes. We found lots of travel brochures and even itineraries of some of their trips. They went to Italy from June 8-18, 1999. I remember them telling me they took a gondola ride on their anniversary (June 14). There are pictures somewhere. They went to Ireland from June 9-19, 2001. I think it is neat that they took trips around their anniversary date. In 2004, they had planned a trip to the parks of the West with Toby Tours. Then on August 20th, Mom tripped up the back patio steps after feeding the birds and broke her right hand. I remember that day. We found a copy of the cancellation form they had sent in to Toby to get their trip refunded. Reminds me that she fell again at December 2006 at the library. She tripped over a curb after she'd come in to see me. That time she broke her finger. It was still bothering her. That's why she wasn't wearing her wedding rings in the accident.

The robin's nest above the patio is empty now. I think I forgot to mention it before. I loved that there was a robin's nest right over the patio. Mom would have loved that, I think. If you sat on the patio, it was right over head. Anyway, it is empty now. Last week I saw little heads peeking out. I hope they're OK. I sat on the patio yesterday by myself. I tried to imagine them there with me. Mom sitting next to me as she always did. I looked over at the empty green patio chair and tried to imagine she was there. And Dad would've been there--either sitting there doing a crossword. Sometimes Dad used to practice his golf swing with a broom! He hadn't done it so much lately. We spent a lot of time on that patio. After dinner we'd go out there a lot and sit and talk. I love that patio. I love that yard. It is home to me. All the memories of that backyard and patio. I used to love to sit out there and read. I remember when they planted the big maple tree there near the patio. I was little--4 or 5 maybe? So that makes the tree around 40 years old.
Over by the basement stairs, it says SOPHIE 7-8-00. Dad wrote it in the concrete under Sophie's paw prints. They got new concrete poured and I asked Dad to put Sophie's paw prints there and he did! I think I mentioned that before.

Like my father before me, I cannot leave the house where my parents lived.


Love,

Susie

I'm having a sad day today. They just happen and I'm not sure what triggers them. Last night my friend Janice came to visit from Illinois. It was the first time I'd seen her since the accident. Maybe that's what started it. Anyway, I was kind of sad all day. We hadn't been to the house for a few days to work. We taped up some boxes of their stuff for the auction. That upset me--to see some of their things boxed up never to see them again. Then we bagged up some more of Dad's clothes. Tonight we did his winter pants--mostly corduroys. He had 7 or 8 pairs. Navy, gray, tan, brown and a black pair that looked hardly worn. Everything smelled like Downy. Mom used it in every load. He had a few pair of dress slacks and Dockers. I cried. Dad loved his corduroys. He lived in them in the winter. These all looked in pretty good shape. He would wear them until they were pretty thin and Mom made him get rid of them! I think they were Hagers. Size 34 30.
I miss Dad very much. I think of him sitting in his chair in his corduroys and sweaters doing his crosswords. I love you Dad.

Susie

We've been trying to get the weeds and trimming under control at the house. Lots of work! Don't think I've ever worked this hard. If Mom could see me now! She wouldn't believe it. Me doing manual labor. She would be happy that I'm doing it, but not happy that I let it get so out of control. I can just hear her saying, "Susie, if you just keep up on it and do a little at a time, you wouldn't have all this to do at once." We've almost got it done. Just a few more things to trim and a tiny bit more weeding. The landscaping was overgrown with weeds I'm sorry to say. I was going to have a landscaper do it for us, but he wanted to charge $1,000! No way. Susan and I decided to do it ourselves. Our friend, Kim Wheeler, has helped us a lot, too. She trimmed the large hemlock up in back yesterday and it looks great. As I walk around the yard, I can't help but think of Mom and Dad and miss them terribly. Their landscape was their pride and joy--esp. Mom. She loved to show off her plants. Again, I don't remember the names of all of them, but most. When I'm up in the shed, I think of Dad. That was his domain. Bug spray, weed killer, fertilizer, lots of garden tools, clippers, etc. And lots of pieces of board. If you ever needed a board for anything, big or small, Dad was your man! I can see him in my mind walking around the yard or pushing the mower. He was in such good shape it always amazed me. 82 last summer and still mowing the yard like it was no big deal. And I hate that yard! It is so bumpy and hard to mow. I love the way the yard looks, but not to mow it.

Yesterday we met with the auction guy. He thinks we can get in on an auction around Aug. 15th. Since we don't have a lot of stuff, we have to go in with other people. We'll sell Mom's Lowery Organ, her Emmett Kelly figures, some of her bird plates and other misc. items. Dad's big desk in the basement. I think it is very old. His initials are scratched in it someplace. Some chairs. But not much else. Once that is done, we hope to paint the rooms upstairs, put in ceiling fans and maybe clean the carpets. Maybe get new carpet for the basement. Then we'll be ready to move in.

I keep thinking of things I want to tell Mom and Dad and share with them about the house. It is strange because, again, we wouldn't be living there had they not died. But I want to say, see, your roses did ok this year...the hemlock looks good, or the bee balm is still alive. She thought she had lost it once last year. I still miss them every day.

Love,

Susie

I just love this picture of Dad. It was the first picture I took with his new digital camera. He basically gave it to me and told me to take pictures. You can see my hand in the rear view mirror. I was sitting in the driver's seat. This was taken I'm pretty sure right after we arrived inside Yellowstone.

One year ago today...

Judy, Joe, Dad, Mom, John, me (Susie)

One year ago today, we began our family trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. We had not taken a trip with all of us together since the 70's. This was something special. I have no doubt now that God was behind all of this. He let us have this beautiful trip together with Mom and Dad. Mom so enjoyed it. She had the binoculars out all the time looking at birds and wildlife. She just loved it all and was very enthusiastic--even though we almost didn't go because of her PMR. But she wasn't about to miss this trip. She told the doctor to give her whatever dose of prednisone she needed to make this trip. A week before she she could hardly walk in the morning and was using a walker...but she did fantastic the whole trip! Well, she did trip once and fall...and then Joe fell, too. Dad enjoyed it, too, in his own way. He never got too excited about stuff.

This picture was taken on the very last day at the very last minute standing outside the hotel in Bozeman, MT. All that beautiful scenery at Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons and we never took a picture of all of us together! I had the hotel clerk come out and take this so we'd have at least one family shot.

Susie

Been over a week since I posted. We found some more interesting things in the basement.
Found a letter from an army buddy of Dad's dated May, 1946. Some guy from Pennsylvania, I think. I might try to track him down. Don't really know why. He was going to pre-med at Georgetown. I wonder if he became a Dr. The letter was sent after they got back from WWII.

Found various membership info on Elks Club and Knights of Columbus. He joined both in 1950 or '51 and kept the initiation letters and rules, etc. Also found some newspaper clippings of Dad doing various K of C things. A couple of things about Leon Harbstreit. Leon and he were roommates at Purdue I think and then worked together at Central Foundry.

Kind of weird the things you find and just thrown in with unrelated stuff. Obituaries, lots of First Mass cards from priests, religious pamphlets. None of this I ever saw. It makes me sad. I wish I could've known Dad better. He just never opened up much or talked much. I think he was a sensitive, compassionate person, but could just never open up.

Dad had a thing for mechanical pencils. We find them everywhere. And little boxes of lead and lots of erasers. Must be the engineer in him! But he was still using the Purdue pencil I had gotten him several years ago. It was upstairs with his crossword stuff.

It is funny how he was so neat with file folders on everything, but then yet he just threw random things in boxes with no organization. But then he had lived there for 50 years. I know Mom made him throw stuff out. She did not like clutter. She probably told him to get rid of stuff so he just threw it wherever. :-)

Found a brand new pair of steel toe boots from Central Foundry. Still in the box and never been worn but they were moldy, so we threw them out.

On Monday, the 9th, I took some of Mom's shirts to Lisa Mowery. She is going to make a quilt of them. We picked out a 9 patch that will work well with all of her stripes and plaids. She said she wouldn't have it ready until this time next year. At first I was disappointed, but it will be OK. I'm really in no rush. We might make some pillows out of Dad's corduroys.

I can't remember if I mentioned this or not. I was looking at Mom's journals for July. Her legs started really bothering her sometime in June or so last year. Especially in the morning. One day she wrote and said I came over to check on her and "She's a good daughter." Well, this made me cry. Mom was not very forthcoming with compliments or praise. And so far, I had not seen anything like this in her journal. I always felt like I had let her down because I wasn't the little "girl" she always wanted. I was a tom boy growing up and really never grew out of it. She used to say she had three sons (instead of 2 sons and a daughter). She was always ragging on me about carrying a purse and wearing makeup. Anyway, when I read this, I felt so good. I always sought her approval and hoped that I was a good daughter to her. I tried to be. I tried to take care of her and make her feel special. I was so glad to read this.

Hoping to take stuff the auction sometime in August. Still lots to do. I miss them everyday.

Susie

4th of July

Trash, trash, and more trash. Today we found General Motors manuals dating back to the 50's. Also threw out some flares with a date of 1958. No kidding. These flares came from the trunk of the car Mom and Dad were driving in the accident. Seriously, would these flares have worked if needed? Had Dad been moving them from car to car for almost 50 years? We found a World Geography (History?) textbook published in 1928. Dad's name was on there first, then Uncle Bill's. The best thing found was Dad's baby book. It included his wrist bracelet (Boy Breidenbach), made of cloth, and a lock of hair from his first haircut. How cool was this--even more cool that he saved it for 83 years.

I am taking some of Mom's blouses to a lady next week who said she could make a quilt out of them. We went through all of Mom's blouses and picked out the best ones. The older, faded ones we will donate to Good Will. I feel better not throwing out all of her clothes. It made it a little easier knowing I would still have a few of her clothes in this way. Charter Club, Sag Harbor, Style & Co., Eddie Bauer, Liz Claiborne. Those were the brand names. Mostly stripes and checks. Mom wasn't really into frilly or flowery clothes.

Today was the 4th of July. Last year I remember being on the front porch with Dad when this jet flew over. It was supposed to do a fly over during the parade, but they had the time wrong. So we were just standing there talking and this jet flew over.

Usually we would get fireworks and let them off in the backyard at I Street. We always had fireworks growing up. I always loved it. At some point John started going to Tennessee to get illegal ones. Bottle rockets, firecrackers, roman candles and "fiesta balls". These were little "shells" you loaded in a tube and shot up in the sky. From then on, we always did fireworks at Mom and Dad's except for the one year they were in MN. John came up last year. Mom liked the fountains the best. She'd get her lawn chair and sit on the patio or up in the yard some. She just watched. But Dad wanted to be part of the action. He never lit them off, but he always shined a flashlight on the fuses for us and provided various size boards to set the fireworks on. And a bucket with water if needed. Then he would always clean up. He would always say he'd take care of it the next day in the daylight. That was like Dad. He wanted to make us all happy. Although we are adults in our 40's, John and I still liked to do fireworks. I realized this year that what we really liked was doing it for Mom and Dad. I didn't buy any this year. It just wasn't the same. There was no need this year, although I would have done it for Susan's Dad if he had wanted. We had been doing it for her mom and dad the last few years. But Emma passed away in October, so she wasn't here anymore, either. I think Mom and Dad liked it--I hope they did. I didn't even watch the town fireworks this year. Nothing is the same anymore. Time, I guess, for new traditions.

Today we threw 6 bags of trash out at I Street. Most of it was mine. I had saved A LOT of stuff from high school, college and library school. Geez! Mom kept saying I had a lot of stuff over there and I couldn't figure out what she was talking about! Now I know. I condensed all my stuff down to one box. Also got 3 bags of clothes ready for Goodwill. Mostly coats, some of Mom's robes, Dad's Dockers and shorts. We also found a bag full of greeting cards that were sent to Mom in January of 1965 when she had her open heart surgery. Pretty amazing. It was a big deal--I remember her telling me. They ran something in the paper to get blood donors for her. Open heart surgery was a big deal in 1965. I remember Mom telling me that it was bad weather and Dad had to put chains on the tires or something. I wasn't even two years old yet. She had so many cards! That was neat and made me weepy all at the same time. I kept some of them--like the ones from Grandpa Breidenbach and Glenva. She never had any trouble with her heart after that. That is amazing, too. They had put a teflon patch (I think) over the hole in her heart. I remember one time when she had to have a chest xray and I saw the wire in her breastbone where they "sewed" her back together. She told me her back really hurt after the surgery--because they had cracked her open and pulled her chest apart. I think they told her that she might have to have it patched again at some point, but she never did.

Tomorrow, back over there again. We've taken 4 days off this week to really start working on this. Susan also pulled out Mom's Arborvitae shrubs that had died. She just planted them last summer or fall and they didn't do well at all. She wasn't happy with them last year.