I had surgery on January 15th. A year ago at this time I saw a doctor in Indy about having a breast reduction. I have been having problems for years. Anyway, I remember talking it over with Mom and Dad. I thought they would think I was weird, but to my surprise, they were totally supportive and even offered to help me with it financially. I remember sitting at this same dining room table as I'm sitting now having the conversation. I was so happy they were OK with it and gave it their blessing. They knew I struggled with my size. I found out a few days after their accident that I had been approved for the surgery by my insurance. Timing...well, needless to say I said I wouldn't be having it any time soon and maybe not at all.

But sometime last Fall, I realized that if I did not do it within the 1 year time frame, I may not get approved again. I had until February of 2008 to do it...so I made the appointment and I did it.

Now...it is bittersweet. I wish they were here to share this with me. I have thought about doing this for years and years and finally when I get the nerve to do it, they are not here with me. So many firsts. First time I'd ever had surgery and not awakened to see Mom there by my bed. She was always there to comfort, to look at me the way only a mother can when her child is in pain. That look that says love and worry and strength. I've had several surgeries over the years and I always become sick to my stomach. She was always there to help me--even if it meant I threw up on her which I know I did at least a couple of times.

After all of my surgeries, I came home to this house to recuperate under the care of Mom and Dad. Mom was not overly doting, but she was there if I needed her and, most of all, she was there to talk to and cry with when I didn't feel good or when I was scared about things. She was just there and my mom. She helped me take showers and get dressed. She made good, nutritious meals for me. She took me for rides in the Fall of 1997 after I had my hysterectomy and had been cooped up for several days. She drove me around town and out to The Woods (housing addition) to look at the fall colors. Dad was quiet, but there, asking "How are you feeling today?" and keeping the supply of my favorite foods on hand. They let me sleep in their bed next to the bathroom for several weeks and they slept upstairs. Never complaining. Sometimes Mom would take me over to my house for a few hours and then come back and pick me up.

When I went to see the doctor last January, I thought for sure Mom and Dad would be there when I had the surgery, just as they have always been. I thought I would come home to stay for a week or so at their house at least during the day. So it has been strange these past few weeks being here in the house alone while Susan was at work. I admit, I became weepy many times. I know, I'm an adult. But I want my Mom. Especially now.

Not to say that I have been uncared for. Susan was there with me at the hospital. She even slept on a cot overnight in my room. Bob and Bev were there, too, when I got out of surgery. Words cannot describe what they all mean to me. I am very lucky to have them and I thank God for them.

I wish Mom and Dad could see the "new me". But as my friend Kim, said, "they know". Wherever they are, they see and they know and they are still with me.

I miss you Mom and Dad.

Love,

Susie