We got the results from the auction. The most disappointing thing was Mom's organ. Her organ, which they paid $13,000 for in 1999, sold for...drum roll please...$30. Yep, that's THIRTY dollars. He told us that they don't sell well and boy was he right. Man. That made me cry. Something she loved so much went for nothing. But we had to do something with it. I had called organ dealers, checked ebay and other auction sites. Nobody wants them. Even if we had run an ad in the paper, I doubt if we would have gotten anything for it. The Emmett Kelly figures went for $97 for all. Bird plates went for $65. This old crappy guitar that I bought 20 years ago and paid $100 for new, went for $50. Go figure. Anyway, that is done. The stuff we wanted gone is gone. Tomorrow we are having some more painting done--in the dining room and entry way. New carpet in the basement in Oct. Movers coming tomorrow to attempt to move Mom and Dad's huge new bedroom furniture upstairs to my bedroom. Don't know if it can be done.

Last night I was alone at the house for about an hour or so and it felt strange. I know I'll get used to it, but it didn't feel right. There was a time when I loved to be alone in the house. But then, later on, I didn't like it. I used to hate when they went on trips and I was always afraid I'd get this call telling me they'd been in an accident. Does everybody do that? I don't know. I would never feel OK until they were home safe and sound--even if they were just going to Bloomington or something. I always made Mom call me when they got home. I worried about them.

Finally got around to cleaning out some of Mom's dresser drawers and going through her jewelry. This was hard. I don't wear jewelry but I will keep some of it. Bev took a leaf pin. That's what she said she wanted. Mom kept all the itineraries and vacation info. from all their trips it seems. Got rid of those, but wrote down the dates and where they went. Then there are the pictures. Loads and loads of pictures. I'll just have to go through those at another time. I can't do pictures right now. I need a break. I will keep the pictures of them and other people, but most likely discard all the "scenery" shots. Just can't keep all that stuff. I kept Mom's cedar chest, but now I'm wondering if I should have. It won't go back in the attic now that we've made that new door, so it will have to stay in my bedroom. I'm afraid after we get all that furniture up there, there won't be room.

I am still having trouble dealing with this. I can accept that people die and they would have died eventually. I'm having trouble with the suddenness, losing both and the horrible way it happened. I get in trouble if I let myself think too much about it. If I am ever going to get through this, I need to focus on the present. Not the past. They would not want us to be miserable and depressed. They would want us to move on. But I still miss them so very much.

Love,

Susie