I seem to be having a hard time again. Why now? I miss Mom. I miss her all the time. I miss Dad, too, but it is different. I can't stop thinking about all the things I will never get to do with Mom again. All our shopping trips. Going to the Indy Zoo. Traveling. Taking her places. I loved my little mom. I wanted to take care of her. I miss being with her and talking to her. I haven't talked to her for 4 months. And...I will never talk to her again. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her or Dad I loved them. I hope they knew...I think they did...but I never got to tell them one last time. I want to give her a hug. Dad wouldn't hardly let you hug him, but I'd give him one, too.
I talked to John for an hour last night. He told me he went to see a therapist and he cried for an hour. It is hard for me to think of him and the pain and suffering. It makes me cry, too--for him, for me and for Mom and Dad. He said they didn't deserve to die that way. I've had those same thoughts and feelings. I still keep thinking of it and getting bad pictures in my head. Everyone says to just not think about it. Sometimes I can do that and sometimes it just comes and I can't stop it. Now Bob and Bev are going to Jasper tomorrow to pick up John's new dog, Buddy. Same situation. Same scenario. They're even eating at the Schnitzelbank, which was the last place Mom and Dad ate. It is all too freaky. I don't like it. I'm going over to I Street now to work on the house. Not looking forward to that, either.

Susie