I had to work today, Sunday. Usually when I worked, Susan and I'd go over to Mom and Dad's after we got off and have dinner.  Not ever Sunday I worked, but most of them.

As I may have said before, I  think, I was supposed to work the weekend of their accident. When Mom and I had talked on the phone that morning, she had motioned coming over Sunday. Dad was going to make vegetable soup. She asked if rolls and that and salad would be enough--something like that. I said that would be fine. We didn't have a very long conversation. I keep thinking about all the food made by them I'll never have again. Things they made that I enjoyed. Dad's vegetable soup, chili and Sloppy Joe's. Mom's cheesecake, cherry pie, pumpkin pie, stew, round steak, roast and potatoes. All the various potato dishes Mom had. She made her own spaghetti sauce and it was very good. Never could find any store bought sauce that even came close. Something I DIDN'T like was chipped beef. It was dried corned beef or something in a cream sauce. Dad called it "sh*t on a shingle". I hated it growing up but finally got used to it. Always liked Mom's tuna fish. It never tasted "fishy". It was always really good. Mom served stew a lot. It was one of Joe's favorites and she made it a lot when he came for dinner. Found some frozen persimmon pulp in the freezer. Mom made her own for her persimmon pudding. I know I'm missing a lot. I'll remember them later.

 

Tonight Susan and I went to the house and cleaned out some stuff. Just a little. Just taking it a little at a time. We cleaned out some of Dad's stuff in the basement. He had saved maps from every trip they'd taken--all from AAA. Some travel books--outdated or I'd take them to the library. Some magazines, catalogs, etc. from 1991. Several pairs of old black gloves! Why he saved them, I don't know. Found a church directory--can't find a year, but I think it was 1977 or 1978. I sort of remember it. We only stayed a half hour. But it is a start. More tomorrow.

 

I've been going to an Adult Bereavement group at the Bloomington Hospital. I think it is helping some. Helps to talk to other people who have gone through losing a loved one--makes me feel not so alone. I know other people go through this. Death--no matter how it happens--is a traumatic event for the survivors. I guess I'm still having trouble accepting it. I know they are gone, but I just can't accept it. Can't wrap my mind around it. They aren't coming back. I'll never see them again. Never hear their voices again. Sometimes I have this longing--like I just want to talk to them one more time. If only I could have them back for a few minutes....

 

Love,

 

Susie